Tropical Zen

This evening I was talking with the owner of a restaurant I enjoy. He was sad that so many people have been so grumpy lately, presumably because we’re having another June-uary and it’s pretty unpleasant outside. But he was struck by how very much I was enjoying my meal; and I was, very much so. Not exactly a When-Harry-Met-Sally kind of thing, just … smiling, and tasting, and really experiencing the flavors and smells in front of me. I was having a moment of joy, and then another, and another, eating one of my favorite dishes. It’s kind of a fried soft tofu with a sweet onion/ mushroom/ cardamom sauce.

What I noticed, really, was that joy is what makes all the pain worth it. We can’t escape pain, even though we may try very hard indeed, and many of us suffer terribly. Maybe we’re suffering because the clouds rolled in about seven feet off the ground back in October and we haven’t seen the sun in eight months; maybe we’re suffering because we’re afraid of losing something important, that what we have will be taken from us; maybe we’re just lonely.

So with all this pain, all this suffering, why do we keep at it? Do we even know?

Sometimes I don’t.

But this evening, as I relished my meal, I finally understood that the whole point of it all is to remain alive so that we can experience joy. No matter how much we’ve suffered, we can still touch joy–even though most of the time, we can’t hold on to it. That’s the miracle. That’s the point. And it gets to keep happening, as long as we’re open to it.

I’m reminded of my previous musings about gratitude, and how mine is broken. I have been of the opinion for many years now that gratitude is something that, once offered, can later be demanded, and so it has been hard for me to offer it. I think maybe I’ve had the wrong idea all along, that maybe gratitude is really just directional joy. My restaurant-owning friend was so pleased with my enjoyment that he gave me some melon slices as a free dessert, and I enjoyed those, too.

If *that* is gratitude, well, I could see myself really enjoying that.