You refuse to hurt someone’s feelings, okay, but that means that you are suffering (or at least unhappy) for the tanda. And for every subsequent dance set where he asks and you don’t get to say no. Why are his feelings so much more important than yours?

And I have to say, it pretty much sucks to be a man in tango. You think he has all the power, but what he really has is all the responsibility and blame. You still move your own body, right? You still feel the music and step on the beat and get out from underfoot (or not) all on your own. If you do not do these things, which are your responsibility, then I have to do them for you *as well* as figuring out the step and worrying about who is going to crash into us.

I’m supposed to initiate the dance by asking you, but if I don’t ask and you want me to, you all talk badly about me. If I do ask and you don’t want to, you say yes and suffer, and talk badly about me later.

Yes, a good leader can *make* you do your job and give you a fun dance. But a good follower does their job without being forced; it means that a good leader is a lot more likely to want to dance with you again.

So I’ll ask again: why should a leader want to dance with you? What are you offering him? Musicality, balance, stability, steady evenly-spaced steps? Joy? Patience?

What would you like to offer?